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Tag Archives: happiness

Don’t hate me because I love yarn

I am über proud of my Granny Skillz. And by ‘Granny Skillz’ I mean my abilities to knit and crochet. I don’t care that I’m 30 and love knitting, I happen to greatly enjoy sentient activities and this one allows me to at least FEEL productive while I use as few muscles as possible. It’s quite remarkable, actually. You can spend hours moving little more than your arms from the elbows down and yet you can create these beautiful, imaginative items that are often made out of extremely long, but single pieces of yarn, all woven together in pretty little patterns. You can create flowers (seriously, you can, I can’t, yet), scarves, socks, headbands or little sock like things for your kindle to keep them from getting banged up in your purse since you carry it everywhere. Yeah, that was my first crochet project – it left some things to be desired, i.e. I MUST learn how to make prettier end stitches before moving forward with much else – and it is complete, for all intents and purposes, and it’s not a bad go for the first time I’ve crocheted, either, so I’m cool with it. Not gonna sell the pattern for profit, but I can consider it a success.

Anyone that KNOWS how to knit and/or crochet will tell you how EEEAASSSYYY it is. And I will admit to having done such a thing myself, but let me tell you this: that is bullshit. It’s so freaking hard to learn one or the other and it’s even harder to know one, and try to learn the other. They are similar, but so VERY different and it’s like trying to teach a lefty how to cut construction paper snowflakes with righty scissors. It’s as difficult as trying to explain the color blue to someone who was born blind. Ok, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but I was feeling rambly and trying to make that work…anyway, it definitely took me a few hours of patient one on one teaching to learn the pattern and movements of crochet and I still have some cleaning up to do of my stitches but overall, I think I’ve got the basics down – half shells, double crochet, single crochet, and chains – not too shabby. I remember when I started knitting, I didn’t realize that there was a front, and a back to the piece of work – I thought it somehow magically knew that on its own or something, or perhaps I just didn’t imagine it made a difference as I expected patterns to follow my method, not the proper one. Truly, until a few years ago, I knew how to knit, but I had been doing it all wrong. As soon as you recognize a front and a back, the patterns make SO much more sense and you can actually create something that looks like the picture – I HATE it when stuff I make doesn’t end up looking like the picture, but that’s an entirely different rant – and people then look at what you’ve knitted and tell you how beautiful it is and ooh and ahh at it while they touch it and rub it against their faces… and then you say, Oh, it was EASY.

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I make the earth move, not earthquakes. Pffft.

The other Tuesday, I was in DC during the earthquake that pretty much threw everyone in DC into a tizzy, and I didn’t even realize it had happened. Perhaps it was because I was outside, walking around Arlington National Cemetery, watching the incredible Changing of the Guard, or perhaps it was because I was enjoying the company I was with so much that it rendered me completely oblivious to the ground shaking at a 5.8 magnitude beneath my feet.

I have had this tendency in the past to put myself into relationships almost just for the sake of being in a relationship. You see, I have this irrational fear of dying alone. And yes, I hope and pray that at 30, I’m still a long, LONG way away from dying, but I get down on myself when I am single and my mind goes crazy. That’s what crazy people do, after all – GO CRAZY. Due to this, I jump at any man who expresses interest in me, hoping that after long last, he’ll be the one to make me happy and make it so that I WON’T die alone; however, I tend to reinforce that fear each time another “not right” relationship ends.

Almost a year ago, I joined one of those online dating sites. In fact, over the years, I’ve joined a couple of them but I’ve found the one that claims to match you based upon a whole bunch of dimensions, (and don’t ask, because I don’t know what they are, either), to be the one I prefer the most. I’ve met quite a few men on there and actually dated one of them for a few months. A couple of others resulted in a few dates and free dinners while others still never got farther than the guided communication. And yet, there was this one guy……this one guy that kept popping back up at random, but opportune times, and who always just seemed to say the right things and act the right way and have the right mentality. This one guy, who has more artistic talent in his goatee than I have in my entire body actually finds ME interesting and fun. This one guy who somehow didn’t text me at all during the few months I dated this other guy but he managed to reach out to me days after that relationship ended, just to say hi. This one guy, who intrigued me enough that I went outside of my comfort zone, and worries of ulterior motives, and feelings of potential failure, and planned to meet the dude in DC for some museum touring, Presidential resting place viewing and a National’s game.

It was actually kind of an unusual first encounter, aside from the whole meet up in DC for an overnight deal – but there were none of those awkward feelings when you meet someone for the first time, for me. I was very comfortable, relaxed and just plain happy to be in his vicinity and I’d like to think he felt the same way. We had an absolutely brilliant time, despite the earthquake and a slight misjudgment of distance by foot, and we both agreed that we had a ridiculous amount of fun and that we should do it again. Soon. And this one guy is already making plans with me to come visit so he can show me around his town. This one guy that keeps in touch pretty much daily now, and who actually is opening up to me about these deep thoughts he has, without me even asking. This one guy has got me smitten, me thinks, and I gotta say that I’m enjoying the hell out of it.

 

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Some girls really do have all the fun

This weekend was my annual family reunion. My dad’s side of the family is Italian and they make it a point every year to re-une. Every one from my grandmother to my cousin’s one year old was there this year and it actually was very nice. No one got stupid drunk, no one set anything on fire, and no one managed to cuss anyone else out. All in all, I’d consider it a raving success, especially when you take my family into account.

The last couple of years, my one cousin has been hosting the reunion at his home, which happens to have my fathers house between it, and me, so I called my dad to see if he wanted to carpool. I need to preface this with the fact that I did NOT ask my father if he wanted to carpool with any ulterior motive – I just thought it would be nice, and as long as he was OK with leaving when I needed to so that I could get home to care for my dogs, I thought it actually made some sense. Anyway, so when I got to his house, he had the garage door open and his truck out in the driveway, which meant one thing: we were taking the VETTE! Hot Bloody Damn! Here we go, boys and girls. We were taking the 2000, 6 speed, 345 hp black on black convertible to the family reunion. Please understand, my dad does NOT bring the vette out but on the rarest of occasions, and it must not be raining, have rained, or have rain in the forecast, or else she won’t come out from under her car covered, curtained windowed garage prison. But saturday was GORGEOUS and my dad was feeling ire, apparently, so out she came! AND………….wait for it………………….I got to DRIVE!!!!

We arrive in perfect condition, and I will admit to cresting nothing above 80 in that car – I honestly didn’t feel safe as I drive it so seldom, and if ANYTHING were to happen, I think my dad would LITERALLY kill me. Then and there. Seriously. So the rest of the family reunion carries on as expected – drinking, eating, laughing, reminiscing, kids screaming, adults screaming, etc. – until my dad says “Did you tell your sister you drove the vette?” NO, Why would I do that? So that she can give me some whiny crap about how it’s been such and such amount of time since SHE’S driven the vette? No. Thank. You. So, my sister says “No, but you did” back to my dad. Then started: “Ya know, I haven’t driven the vette in YEARS.” Neither have I, sister. “Well, you know, I didn’t even drive it that far last time I drove it.” Well, sister, I didn’t ASK to drive, dad offered. Next time, you can drive and pick him up so that you can drive the vette. Ok?

I must admit that I do find satisfaction in burning my sisters ass. She gets herself so worked up over the dumbest things, it just cracks me up when she gets so upset. She starts in with the Woe-is-me routines and lays it on thick enough that others not savvy to her ways would be sucked into her abyss of negativity. All I heard was Blah Blah Blah as she rambled on about how unfair it was, half in jest, half in stark faced sincerity. Thankfully, this all happened as my dad and I were leaving for the night, so I simply got in the car and did what ANY good sister would do – I hammered that shit down and just about spun into second gear, then third. My hair waved GOODBYE as my left foot pumped the clutch and I jammed it into third and my smile opened up greater than it has in a long time, and stayed that way the entire ride home. She’s so pretty, she’d make just about anyone smile.

You'd be jealous, too

 

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Strawberries!

Today marks the most successful, successive blog post for me in the last, oh, YEAR, I guess. Two days is my success and while I don’t really have any crosses to burn today, or even any assholes to maim – I just have a little nugget of joy to offset the insanity from yesterday. Or at least make me appear less than Institutionally Certifiable.

So, since my computer is broken (long story), I can’t really take and upload any pics right now. This one is from my camera phone, but it definitely at least brings a smile to my face. AND! proves that I  have the dedication, if I just put my mind to it.

strawberries

 

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Tying up loose ends

It seems that yesterday was my day of resolutions. It was the last day of my current job so there was the finalities of goodbyes to some of the folks I work with, and the difficulty of saying bye to some of those who I’ve become so accustomed to seeing on a daily basis, I really don’t know what I’ll do without having them to laugh with. You know who you are, and don’t you DARE forget about me!! Or the WHO !

In the midst of my day, I started fretting. After all, change is a difficult thing. There are a lot of uncertainties and there are a lot more reasons to be afraid to move forward. But in the last few weeks, I’ve had a lot of things change in my life which have enabled me to focus on myself, and realize that despite the hardships that will have to be endured, there is just so much more to find in life, when you aren’t holding onto things you don’t need. Jobs that are just jobs, coworkers who are just acquaintances and days that exist solely to test how much you can handle.

I had a couple of really nice surprises on my last day: a happy hour of drinking with good company, another couple hours after that making sure my tipsy friends sobered up enough to drive, and a rocking ass tune jamming ride home. Then after I got home, I had a phone call from my brother, who I haven’t talked to in months at this point. And let me tell you that it did my heart worlds of good to hear his 2 week old daughter fussing through the phone, all the way from Germany. And as last night rolled into today, I had the luck to talk with one of my dearest. With all of these surprising connections happening, I started to realize that friendship is highly underrated, and when you find people who mean the world to you, it’s worth it to do whatever you HAVE to do to hold onto them. They are the ones who put the happy in my -ness, they are the ones who make life worth living, and they are the ones who will ALWAYS be around when they are needed. Whether I know that I needed them or not. At any time, they could be a couple gals from work, an old friend who’s been around for almost half of my life, or a kindred spirit from another lifetime – but thanks to all of them, and others, my day really couldn’t have been any better.

So, I’m vowing to tie up all the bullshit that I’ve held onto for so long, and just LET IT ALL GO. Life is too short for grudges and there is too much fun to be had with those who love me to worry about the what-if’s and the could-be’s. Que sera, sera. It is what it is, and it will be what it will be. Today is the day it all came together for me, and I am going to continue working on myself, improving who I am as a person, and moving forward in life. Brand new opportunities are knocking on my door, and I can’t wait to see what they are selling. I just hope it’s not more Mormons!

 

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2007: Well, that Sucked!

Please allow me to put this into perspective for you: This time last year, I was filing a police report. 

My garage had been broken into, my car had been broken into and my entire lifetime’s worth of a cd collection (which, as a point of reference, had minimally 115 cd’s in it. And those were just the ones that I could think of for the cops) had been stolen. On New Year’s effing Day. What a way to start out the year, right? On day one, I had the sad realization that 2007 was not going to be my year.

It proved to be a relatively true trail for the rest of the other 364 days of this year past. What, with the constant relationship disappointments (read my blog – HA) and the Blind Melon concert/Philadelphia calamity , my depression, my lack of motivation, my binge drinking, my job change (which happened before I started this blog, therefore, there are no posts) and my constant annoyance with life in general, 2007 pretty much sucked my ass. Not to mention all the other little trivial things which just added to my already-struggling-to-deal-with existance. I am honored to say that, THANKFULLY, the even numbered 2008 has already proven itself to be far superior to the odd numbered 2007. Fuck odd numbers.

Despite the fact that I spent New Year’s Eve having dinner with my parents, and then passing out alone in my bed at 11:30 p.m., I can already feel the planets aligning in my favor. I can feel the tides turning and the gravitational pull shifting in my direction. Besides, my annual horoscope for 2008 told me so! 

Most of my positive vantage of this coming year comes from the fact that I have a fast approaching, AMAZINGLY AWESOME trip to Hawai’i planned to visit my high school friend Walter, in which I will be visiting not one, oh no, but TWO islands while I’m there! I fly into Oahu, where Walter is stationed (that’s isle #1) and the second of which shall be Maui, as an old friend of my mother’s resides there and has agreed to humor Walter and I by meeting us on the island and possibly taking us around for a tour. While on Maui, Walter and I are going to hike Haleakala, too! They say you could fit Manhattan inside the crater! We’re also going to take Walter’s Famous Jeep Tour around Oahu, we’re going to possibly go snorkeling, we’re going to hit up some awesome party venues thanks to the fantasticly fabulous Atherton Bartelby AND we’re going to drink ourselves stupid as often as possible. *smile* How could ANYONE not enjoy themselves?!

So to 2007, I say this:

You sucked. I am glad to be rid of you and may I never see the likes of you again. GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH!

To 2008:

Thank you for all the fantasticness that you have already given me, and may the fun continue into February, and beyond. *wink*

Onward and Upward, my friends! To bigger and better things! May everyone receive more of what that they want out of life. Happiness and Peace to all! SALUD!

 

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