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My newest realization

17 Jul

I’m learning an interesting lesson in life as of late. It seems that forward momentum isn’t necessarily a fast thing, even small steps continuing in an upward trend can be considered as successful when you’re building something. Previously in life, I always felt forward momentum was an immediate thing – it took energy and perseverance and your goal could be quickly reached if you just put enough effort into it – but I’ve had a couple of experiences as of late that are blowing that entire theory out of the water. Albeit in a great way, but it’s still slightly disconcerting to be this far out of my typical comfort zone.

So, I’ve met this guy, and I gotta say, he’s pretty awesome. We’ve been taking our time getting to know each other, getting comfortable with each others sense of humor and our similar interests and we’ve reached a point where we’ve been talking for a few months and we’ve finally decided and managed to set up some time to spend together. We live a few hours from each other, but truth be told, I’m really OK with that. My reasoning behind that insanity is that I often manage to force people into a relationship, well before it’s the right time for either of us to do so. I get so enamored by anyone that indicates even the slightest interest in me, that I immediately think he’s THE ONE that will heal my heart and the issues I’ve blamed on loneliness for years and years. Yet thanks for therapy and some time alone for introspection, I’m realizing that *I* am the only one who can heal my issues, and that I shouldn’t expect anyone else to do that for me, and with that knowledge I gotta say that I’m totally confident, comfortable and excited about the progression of this situation.

I won’t call it a relationship, because it isn’t one, or even anything resembling one, as of today. We’re building a friendship from scratch, and it’s just lucky that we have enough in common, and enough mutual interest in each other that it’s continuing to move forward into some next steps, whatever those may be. There are already a few other tentative plans on the horizon where he’ll either come up here, or I’ll go down there and I’m excited about getting to spend some face time with him, but I’m not anticipating or expecting anything, which is a huge change of mentality for me. My desperation to be loved usually triggers me to freak out and get too deep into my head when in situations like this and I loose all logical thought and rely entirely upon my emotions – which often prove to be disastrous on most occasions. But! I’m not going to do that this time! It’s too important, and there is more than just companionship involved here; my ability to find happiness within myself is my main goal. Anything after that is just a bonus.

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