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Blood versus water

14 Jul

I have a relatively small family on my mothers side. Both of her parents are deceased, my grandmothers brother is also deceased, as well as his wife, but their children, and their children’s children and I think one more children’s children’s children…whatever….are all still living. On August 13th, 2011, one of those children’s children’s children, or wait…no, no, that’s right, is getting married and I of course was invited. Trouble is, it’s in Michigan and I hate traveling in cars.

As a kid, I remember driving to Michigan with my grandparents and my sister. I couldn’t have been more than 7 or 8 because my grandfather fell ill when I was 9 and died rather suddenly. Anyway, I remember driving up there, and the old lady lilly smell in my Aunt Flo’s house. I remember her ’70’s red and gold shag carpet and mismatching floral patterned sofas and how she always wore her silver hair in this high bouffant/beehive style. She had those old pictures on the wall that were kind of sepia toned, and in wooden oval, convex glass frames, of her parents and I remember how somber their faces looked, but not much else. We used to sit at her kitchen table, complete with that awful pleathery plastic upholstered chairs that stick to your ass like flypaper. You know the kind – it makes that suction sound whenever you manage to pry your skin from it’s tacky grasp. We’d play cards, eat and Gram and her would just talk and talk and talk. Aunt Flo had this white playhouse with a black roof in her little backyard that was just the perfect kid size. I really don’t know the story behind why it was there, and I honestly haven’t thought about it in a very long time, but I used to spend HOURS playing in there. There was a small table and chairs, and the door and windows opened and closed….I thought that was the coolest shit since slap bracelets.

So I was invited to this wedding, for the cousin who’s only memory of mine is that he totally locked me out of his house one summer. For no reason. Like a dick. And that shit pissed me off! I was never exceptionally close to any of them, and they didn’t come to my sisters wedding the other year, either, so I can’t say my heart is bleeding over probably missing the wedding. The trouble is, my sister has this need to appear perfect and be idolized for her flawless record at family events, the fact that she never fails to send a holiday card or a birthday card, and her seemingly easy to get along with demeanor. However, the very immediate members of her family know a much darker, and more obnoxious, but less impressive version of my sister. She can be belittling, demeaning and a down right bitch. This is the same woman called her 9 year old sister a beached whale while once wearing a bathing suit….yeah, my sister ain’t no saint. That’s not to say that *I* am, either, but I do own up to what I am and don’t do the two faced shit that she does. And in for some reason unknown to me, she did a very stupid thing and started a fight with me over my reasons for not going to the wedding. Now, a year ago, I might have gone off on her, calling her all sorts of names while crying hysterically out of frustration. This time, I tried to address the situation by asking her to stop telling me what I should do, and to stop being so condescending. Apparently, she didn’t like the idea that I committed to other events that weekend PRIOR to receiving any information regarding the wedding and felt the need to turn into a walking, talking guilt trip. Sorry, sister, but you ain’t my fucking keeper, so shut up, please.

Instead of calling her a filthy whore, I indicated that I was D-O-N-E, done and that she should have a good night. I ended with a goodbye and a click. The next day she must have thought that it was just a slight guffaw as she had the balls to make a comment about how I should have come up with a better excuse when one of my other Michigan cousins made a comment about why I wasn’t coming. Which, I can only assume, means that immediately following our call the day before, my sister called said cousin to dish the gory details. Not impressed with that, sister. Not impressed at all.

I deleted it and gave her a little note back regarding her innate ability to create a massive pain in my ass at every moment we are in contact, with the hopes that she goes back to therapy. Seriously. She was so much less of a bitch when she was going to therapy and getting beyond her own self inflicted bullshit and realizing that her hatefulness spilled onto others and hurt feelings and that it wasn’t always OUR responsibility to forgive her, and that she should have some control over it, as well. But over the years she’s lost her ability to see past the nose on her face and it’s apparent in her personality changes, let me tell you. I’ve been trying to work on bettering our relationship myself recently, because I’ve started regretting the fact that we never have had that SISTERLY bond or relationship between us. But I don’t want that shit THAT bad. There is still a line, and she crossed it.

My therapist would probably tell me that I have to confront her about it, and I probably will. But right now, she’s not the only one I’m pissed off at and avoidance is definitely MY best policy. I haven’t seen my therapist in about a month, and I’m pretty glad I have a session coming up next week. I feel like I have to get some shit off my chest and get some logic thrown at me so I can figure out how to deal with all of this. I feel like if anyone came up to me and said, Hey, let me tell YOU a story!, I’d probably tell them that their sister sucked to the tenth degree, so I feel fairly justified in my feelings, but I am also known to blow things out of proportion…so I’m waiting until at least next week before I make any moves on any things. It’s all about perspective.

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