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Some people call me a Space Cowboy

09 Jul

One of my greatest abilities, and worst characteristics, is that I often spend more than my fair share of time over-evaluating where I am with, and in, my life. Currently, I am single, I live alone with my 4 pets and I am 27 years old. Most of that kinda sucks and I find myself scheming for ways to get myself out of at least 1 of my most defining criteria. Unfortunately, a struggle ensues and I usually just end up MORE single with MORE pets and even MORE 27 than before.

Dictionary.com defines dating, among many definitions, as “a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person: to go out on a date on Saturday night.” Sounds simple enough, so why is it so difficult to actually participate in? Going out to bars to meet men does nothing but elicit sweaty passes and beer burps, so I tend to shy away from that scene. I burp enough on my own, but at least it doesn’t smell like recycled brew. Besides, it’s mostly college kids and those experiencing the pub scene, legally, for the first time. I’ve found over the years that I prefer men my age, or older, and at least on a similar level of intellect. It’s a huge turn off when a guy looks over my shoulder and snidely states “Why are you reading?! That’s not gonna do anything for ya. A-hyuck.” I dated this guy once who would look at me like an ape whenever I used a word with more than 3 syllables; like NEANDERTHAL.

I’m not looking for an immediate commitment out of anyone right now, but I somehow feel like more of a person when I can tack phrases like “I went on a date” onto the list of things I did this weekend. It seems so futile to even go over my weekend with anyone since it’s usually the same house work, yard work, hung out with {insert friends name here} and laundry that it always is, weekend after weekend.

Part of my issue may be the fact that I am not actively looking. As much as I sit here and complain about being single, it’s really a challenge to find a compatible guy, and so as with most things, as soon as the going gets tough, I get going. Away from it. I bail, give up, punk out and bug out when I feel outmatched, and dating is definitely something that makes me feel as much. I don’t know how to approach such a situation as I’ve never really been enveloped in the dating scene – I’ve been in long term relationships since I was 17 and it’s taken me the last 2 years of being single to make me realize that I have a lot to learn when it comes to choosing the “right” kind of man.

And so here I am, in the midst of assisting with the planning of my sisters multiple wedding/bridal showers, not the mention the wedding itself, and I’m pulling my hair out over showing up to yet another major event stag. Call me selfish, hell, I’ll take that as a compliment, as that is what my therapist keeps telling me I need to be a little bit more of, but the reality is that, although I can do and be a lot independently, there is a plenty to be said for having that someone to come home and cook dinner with, to curl up and watch Battlestar Gallactica with, to lay next to at night and to wake up with their arms around you in the morning. Being single has a lot of good aspects to it, but I’ve played this game for a couple of years now, and although for most of those couple years, I was barely able to take advantage of being single since I was so codependent I didn’t know where I even began, I finally feel like I am ready to start TRYING. I don’t need a roommate or a husband, but I would like to go out on a real, genuine, bonafide date every now and again, damnit.

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