This seems to be the question of the hour. If only there was a t.v. game show based off of 2o Questions, and I was the one being ASKED the questions. I’d soooooo totally win that game. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Fact of the matter is that, despite my tendencies to paint a melodramatic painting, I am no immediate danger to my own personal well-being, as I know that if I check out now, I am destined to relive it, only ten-fold, all over again. And by NO means am I such a glutton for punishment as to willingly walk into THAT fate. Welcome to the daily affirmation as to why I continue to just wait it out.
It was like, I suddenly woke up one day and realized that I was an ADULT. I still drive the same Honda Civic that I bought back in 1998, I still sleep in a t-shirt which once belonged to my first boyfriend and I still think that I can float by doing the same ol’ shit and then I wonder why I’m where I am. It’s a rude awakening when you realize that you are no longer a kid with her entire life ahead of her and suddenly, you are in the midst of the “what I do with my life today totally effects what I do with my life tomorrow” phase and CHRIIIIIST am behind on the To-Do list! It was like, the fact that I have a house already and a job and my pets and all the things that I DO have meant NOTHING, and I was watching my life fall farther and farther back from where I needed to be right now. Needless to say, examining the some-what ridiculously sad status of one’s life IS rather mind-boggling, so I had a mini panic attack for about, oh, say, 2 or 3 weeks straight, and now have come out on the other end with sarcasm so thick that you could buttah yah toast wit it. Ugh, I’m beginning to shphitz, just talking about this and all…
So, I don’t know, you tell me. Am I “ok”? If “ok” is when even though there are days when I’d seriously give my kingdom for a gun, I realize that there are many, many other people out there who have it worse off then me, if it is how some days its takes all of the strength that I possess to not run into our local Wegman’s and just punch the hell out of some person, if it means that although there are more mornings than not lately that I STRUGGLE to get out of bed, but I STILL know that this all eventually too, shall pass; then yeah, that’s me. Just call me “ok.”