Today I was assaulted by Mormon’s. Ok, “Assaulted” might be a bit harsh of a word, but when it’s 3 in the afternoon and I am trying to eat me some Taco Hell cause I hadn’t eaten yet today, it’s an issue to have to talk about God with strangers. The only reason I knew there was anyone at my door in the first place was because my watch dogs stopped their usual begging antics and ran to the front door, barking. You see, my doorbell doesn’t work, but I like it that way because if I don’t make eye contact with whoever is at the door, I can feign ignorance and sometimes, THEY JUST GO AWAY. Not so in this case.
Outside stood 2 young women, both dressed in dark colors – grey and black predominantly – and both wearing ankle length skirts. Immediately, I knew religion was going to be the discussion. They introduced themselves as Sister [forgot] and Sister [forgot hers, too]. Both were probably about my age and said that they wanted to discuss The Church of Jesus Christ and Ladder Day Saints. I stifled an eye roll and thanked them when they complimented my glasses and my dogs, and then asked me if I was spiritual or religious in any way. I told them of my baptized and confirmed Roman Catholic roots, which I thought would have scared away even the loyalist of devout Mormon’s, and then like a dumb-ass, allowed my real feelings on the matter to slip and said, “Sadly.” Honestly, I don’t consider myself “religious” in any way, shape or form. Although I truly am a baptised and confirmed Roman Catholic, I still fear touching the Holy Water font as I swear it will burn off my skin; I hesitate setting foot in a mass as I swear that I’ll spontaneously combust into flames. Not to mention all of the Catholic Priest dispicable sexual abuse behavior (which, BTW, I have always thought for years that all of the priests that I knew growing up were gay and that they went into the priesthood only because Catholics see homosexuality as a sin, and therefore, you guessed it, YOU’LL GO TO HELL for it, and they saw the chastity of the fatherhood as a penance for their “sexual deviance” – this of course, is the view of the Catholic Church which I have already mentioned I am NOT a devout follower of) AND on top of that, the confirmation of the fact that the Church tried to pay off the accusers in order to avoid it all going public…AHEM. Need I say more? Yet, despite my justified, blatant abhorrence of Catholicism, I do definitely have a spirituality about me – I think that there is a higher power, I think it’s best to be a moral and just human being, I think that the Golden Rule is the best rule of all – Do unto others as you’d have done unto you – but I have issues with devoting to an organized religion. I like to look at ALL religions and pick apart the pieces that I like from them and use those as my basis of Spirituality. I find it’s much easier to change an IDEA than it is to change a BELIEF. I’m borrowing this concept from Kevin Smith’s fantastically awesome movie, Dogma here, but people kill and die for beliefs, very rarely are Religious Wars waged in the name of ideas. Ideas just seem much safer things to me; everyone can accept someone else’s idea as it is a well known fact that ideas don’t have to be considered right by anyone; but beliefs, are different. They are looked at as a truth by the believer, and by default, considered to be a 100% right. And when that line between right and wrong comes into play is when we get into trouble.
After my sublimely stupid comment regarding my non-practicing yet pegged religion, I was graced with the story of their prophet, Joseph (I very well could be wrong on the name, here folks. I apologize if I am) and how he had struggled with finding a religion to follow himself all those lost generations ago. Apparently, my comment has something to do with their “Profession of Faith” or something of the like, and that it’s very common for people to have difficulty adhering to a specific religions sect. Some how or another, we got onto the topic of me going to Hawaii, and then for the next 10 minutes, we discussed that, and weather, and how cute my dogs were and how my lunch was getting cold and there was a strong potentiality of it getting eaten by one of my cute dogs. They were very kind, and I understand that Witnessing is a part of their religion which they must practice, but I really hate discussing religion on an empty stomach, it just makes me nauseous when I do.
I don’t hold anything against Sister [forgot] or Sister [forgot hers, too] as they are merely following their religious views, they were both very nice, and although I did make an EXCEPTIONALLY conscious effort to not cuss in front of them, the over all conversation wasn’t as strenuous as I had feared. Not that I look forward to any discussion involving the words “Jesus” and “Christ” unless there is an “H.” in the middle and they are being used in the most vain and offensive way possible. Eventually, they both wished me a fun and safe vacation and then went on to bring Jesus to another member of my street.
Thankfully, the dogs didn’t eat my lunch, although it did get cold. But after that conversation, I had pretty much lost my appetite anyway.