After many months of being too damn busy to breath while I was doing things for everyone else, I finally had a weekend, that although busy, was completely full of things that I was doing for me. This weekend was filled with road-trips. And while I would usually look into the eyes of a road-trip with the giddy excitement of my dog when I first get home in the evenings, this weekend was enough to change all that I thought I knew. I’ve driven over 500 miles in the last 40 hours and just as an example of how my weekend has been, currently, I am seated in a hotel room, 5 hours from my home, at 10:20 p.m. while I should be at the Blind Melon Concert which is the entire reason that I am here in the first place. What all of this means though, is that in the last 2 days, I have literally bordered on having spent more time in a car than out of one. My ass is numb, my knees are aching, my temperment is tetter-tottering on a fine thread and I have that dreaded car-sickness that is induced from perpetual movement for prolonged periods of time and will not go away. It’s really been a three day vacation in hell.
Not to disrespect any of the folks that I spent the weekend with, but I am never doing anything that I did in the past 2 days, ever again. I still love you all very, very much and I am still going to participate in different things with you in the future, but you all have to admit, whatever it was that I was doing with you; IT SUCKED my left ass cheek! No two ways about it, nothing went off without a hitch, or in my case, without a nuclear holocaust.
So friday we headed to Philly for this Eastern State Penitentiary Spook Fest. For those who don’t know, the Eastern State Penitentiary is thought to be haunted by many experts in Paranormal activity. The SciFi t.v. show Ghost Hunters filmed an episode at this prison and had a lot of recorded paranormal activity. The show TAPS has also wandered through those haunted hallways. I was admittedly a little nervous about things, but allow me to introduce the ulterior motive: my friends were trying to “get me to meet” one of their friends. So, being the SWF that I am, although not in the psychotic kind of way, I of course happily handed over the last of my humility and allowed them to implement such a deplorable plan. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe that I have anything that could be considered “game,” but I do at least know how to maintain a conversation with a person. The 2 hour car ride to Philly was rather humiliating because I was unable to get more than a 5 word, 1 sentence response from this guy, no matter what I said. Sometimes he’d laugh when I cracked a joke, and other times, I seriously think he was purposely ignoring me. I’m of course thinking either he is painfully shy, or he’s miserable being seated next to me and is contemplating whether jumping through the window, or opening the door and throwing himself from the car was the better option. I became so embarrassed about the situation, that I actually stopped talking. I know!! I literally ran out of things to say…it seemed as if every word that came out of my mouth was the wrong one, and it just seemed easier, for the first time in my life I might add, to just shut the fuck up. So I did. Our 2 hour car ride seemed more like an eternity in silence. Now I was the one considering window versus door. Thankfully, things started to look up as we found an easy parking spot and were able to get in line waiting for the shuttle to and from the Pentientiary with ease. But just as I thought I was resigining my reigning crown as the princess of setbacks: the skies opened up with such fury that we all went from dry to drowned in about a minute. The rain continued as such for most of the time that we were standing in a line, outside, along the streets of Philly. To make the misery of having to wear your now wet clothes and soggy shoes for hours before you can change seem any more heinous that it already was, the Penitentiary Tour was nothing more than an overglorified Haunted House. Actors hiding being the guise of costumes and make-up launch at you from around corners and from inside the cells. They growl, scream, blow in your ear and basically make complete asses of themselves if they think they’re scaring anyone. I can’t watch movies like The Grudge, or Saw because I will have nightmares for weeks; and I didn’t even jump at those clowns more than 3 times. The entire “tour” was really a crying shame. And added to that, the discomfort of sitting beside a guy who is either trying to block the annoying sound of my voice from his head or is so intimidated by me that he can’t even cough up a coherent thought, whilst continuing to freeze in my wring out-able sweater, jeans and socks, was enough to allow me to freely exclaim that I was fucking miserable. I was in the 5th level of hell with no conceivable way out other than the fact that tomorrow is always another day.
Enter Tomorrow: i.e. Today. Current Date – Saturday October 20th. This is my “another day.” Today, I arrived home from my disheartening and drenching trip to the city of brotherly love at 4 a.m. I awoke at 8 a.m. as today was road-trip number 2, in as many days. Today I was heading west and north for about 5 hours, to Pittsburgh, the home of the Steelers! And, in chance, we did happen to drive past Heinz Field! Honestly, we made it here with very little mishap, although there was about an hour delay on the highway, but otherwise it was a quiet ride in. But let ye not assume that this visit has been all lollipops and gummy bears. Oh no, how could it be when I was involved? The venue for the concert tonight was about 6 miles away, as the crow flies. I really should have assumed the worst when the directions quoted an approximate drive time of 25 minutes. As my friend and I came to realize that the time was, in fact, merely an estimate as disclosed at the bottom of the page, as it took us about 45. But it gets better. Once we arrived and found the venue, we needed to find a parking space. After circling around so many times that we completely lost our meager senses of direction and a migraine developed, it was decided that the sheer annoyance and aggravation of finding a parking space had outweighed any pleasure that may have been derived from seeing the concert. We both decided it best to head back to the hotel. Unfortunately, that’s when the fun really began. We got turned around, blocked in, stuck going the wrong way on a one way street…Hell, we probably committed more vehicular law infractions than half of Hollywood. And according to the guy in the liquor store that we stopped to ask directions from, and who had his stained khaki pant’s zipper half down and his tie tied so improperly he might as well of just tied it in a bow, getting lost in Pittsburgh is reputably something even the locals do. So 45 minutes, about 5 bridges (as we may have conquered a couple of the same bridges more than once), 1 conversation with a view, and 1 missed concert later, here I sit in our hotel room with nothing to show for it other than a damn good story to once again reiterate that I just can’t make this shit up.
The last 2 days of my life have been a full frontal assualt of karmic retribution; compiled from the bad luck of every shattered mirror in the world, the broken backs from all of those crack-stepping kiddies, and the detestable destiny’s of the paths that a black cat has crossed. The only positive thing that came out of this entire weekend was that I got to hang out with a some of my very dearest friends, even if our plans were blown apart at the seams. Needless to say, I don’t think I’ll be taking any road-trips in the forseeable future. At this point, I feel that my penence has been served. It should only go up from here, right?